a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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