your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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