So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My pussy is not your playground.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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