I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
