I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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