Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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