Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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