I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
this beer tastes like vomit already
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
