Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I need a burrito and a hug.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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