Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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