I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize