I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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