I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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