I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
