New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize