I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
