I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
