Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
