the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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