You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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