i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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