trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
