I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
