I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
