I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I love how my cats smell like pot.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
