only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
