I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
