dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
