is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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