How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
