My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
