I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
