So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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