lets start a swedish sibling band together
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
