In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
