Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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