I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
