If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
