shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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