i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
