another moral hangover. fuck.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
