sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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