I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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