I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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