thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
