possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
