She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
