Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
