the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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