it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
