Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
