I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
