1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Is it penis luge time yet?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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