i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
