he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize