sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
