it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
