We're facebook friends in real life
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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