I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
