I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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