there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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