I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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