so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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