We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
