there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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