So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
