i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize