I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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