just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
