Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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