I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
