wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
